Phuck the pharmaceutical companies

Drug companies are advertising their products on television to get us to go in and ask our doctors for them. The problem with this is that we don't have medical degrees and therefore have no idea what we need as far as pharmaceuticals. Not only that, they are now making drugs for our pets...and I sincerely doubt they are doing this because they care about us, or our pets.

If I could be...

I was tagged by Halifax's loss and our gain
Miss Explosive Laughter

What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you).Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist... If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician... If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter... If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary... If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect... If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist... If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete... If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an innkeeper... If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer... If I could be a backup dancer...If I could be a llama-rider... If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be a midget stripper... If I could be a proctologist...If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... If I could be an actor...If I could be a judge... If I could be a Jedi...If I could be a mob boss... If I could be a backup singer …If I could be a CEO... If I could be a movie reviewer …If I could be a filmmaker... If I could be a sherpa...If I could be a ninja... If I could be a cab driver...

Okay...here goes...

If I could be a judge...I would end the trial right now and lock Michael Jackson up for being a freak.

If I could be a lawyer...I would tell all of my lawyer friends to get all of their lawyer friends together, and so on, until we had all the world's lawyers in the same place and then I would tell them we were going on a trip and I would put them all in a spaceship and fire them out into space so they could never screw with us again.

If I could be a mob boss...I would have a few people "taken care of" (You know who you are.)

If I could be an actor...I would do romantic movies with Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp where they would fight over me in the beginning and then in the end we would all end up together.

If I could be a ninja...I already am a ninja.

Fin.

And the three bloggers I am tagging are....drum roll please....

Ms. Funky Bug

Ms. Artful Blogger

Ms. Notebook

Every Day is Halloween

For my good friend and new blogger Ainse. We used to dance to this song when we were young girls trying to drink cooking wine in the Go Station bathroom (don't try this...it's nasty and salty)

Well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cos to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'why are you dressed like it's halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene

'o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cos halloween is everyday
it's everyday

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
i'm not the one that's so absurd

why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling
hurt from denials, reprisals
it's the same it's the same in the whole wide world

If you've never listened to this song you should, it's by Ministry, and it's awesome.

5 Things

1. According to a not afraid of much guy I know, Running Room people are spooky and scary and should be avoided at all costs. Something about their "rituals" and matching outfits. You've been warned.

2. There are white lines painted on the highways and roads in most places by the nice people that work for the city...so stay on your OWN side of them. And while you are at it, hang up the phone.

3. Don't invite me to your wedding/baby shower. I'm happy for you and all, but I REALLY don't want to sit for three hours and watch someone tape bows to your head.

4. I also don't want to celebrate every 'special time' in my co-workers lives. I don't work with you because I like you, I work with you so I can pay for things that I need...and vacations away from you.

5. If you are reporting a crime, detail is important...you know, times, what people were wearing, EVERY word that is said verbatim. If somebody asks you what you've been doing lately, try a condensed version.

Redonkulous

Okay. I think I'm finished playing with my template.

For now.

It's really fun though.

Other than that, nothing new going on with me.

Just dreaming of the beach that I will soon be sitting on.

Under a hut, whilst wearing a big floppy hat, huge sunglasses and 50 sunblock.

Absofugginnada

I have learned how to make lots of changes to my template, thanks mostly to the helpful blogger Kim , and my incredible skill at grasping concepts. Yep, don't hate me because I'm brilliant.

Some beach somewhere

I'm finally going on vacation! Woo hoo! We were first talking about The Dominican Republic, but I was a tad (okay a lot) hesitant...but we nailed it down today. 4 and a half star resort in the Mayan Riviera. I am so excited now!!!! Especially since I talked to my mom (who has, as she put it during our conversation, an irrational fear of flying) and she said that it was great I was going, and that I was going to have a great time. Yep, nothing beats talking to your mommy to make you feel better.

There is also a karaoke bar at the resort.

Nuff said.

Ma'am

How many times do we women have to tell everybody else (read men and young girls) that we do no want to be called Ma'am. It's not hard.

I'd rather be called dude.

Currently listening to "Shut the fuck up" by Cake.

What will you look like when you're old?
Check it out here
Link thanks to All Things Christie.
Help with my pic thanks to Tates.

Post your anonymous secret here
Link reminder thanks to Raymi

Monday

Realistic joke endings

Link thanks to All Things Christie.

My long walk

I walked for three hours today. Took some pictures, two of which I posted on uber photos.

A really good song to walk to is the Trainspotting theme song...it's a hundred minutes long and really upbeat.

Also, some of my neighbours scare me:

Yep

My hairdresser told me that one time a client came back after getting a perm to tell her that she wanted her money back because her husband said it gave her bad breath.

A friend of mine said if everything eventually breaks down why doesn't the microwave ever stay on when you open the door? And how scary would that be???

The security guard in my building told me that he saw his first robin of the season the other day. I said "oh yeah?" he said "Maybe that's why your mother named you Robin because you hop along like a little robin."
I had no idea that I hopped.

T.G.I.F.

Puddy Tat

Not that I have anything against speech impediments, but why do the people with this affliction all seem to go into broadcasting? What is the thought process? Hmmm...well, I don't speak vewy well, and a wot of people have a tough time understanding me so, I know, I'll talk for a wiving!!!
Very strange indeed. That reminds me, I've gotta get my portfolio together because I'm gonna be a model. The worlds shortest, chubbiest model.

It could happen.

Leave the Cookie Monster alone!!!

Kids today are not fat because of the Cookie Monster. Jeeeeeeezus. Why oh why do they have to mess with the Cookie Monster? Why don't we look at video games and processed foods? And while I'm on the topic...the violence that children are exposed to in movies and video games is insane. Naked = Bad. Guns = Good. Well that explains some stuff that's going on.
And on another note, somebody better lock Michael Jackson up soon or I'll go down there and tie up his pedophilic ass myself.

On the brink

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Not really sure how long they last, or what to do about it, but I think that is exactly what is happening to me. I thought I was just depressed. And yeah I might be a little young but this is apparently the early side of when it starts. Yay.

I hope I get i.d.'d again at least once more at the liquor store. I'll make my young scared face and see what happens.

Quotes

A funny one:

Janeane Garafolo (in a silly movie): "This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy."

...and from my horoscope today:

"Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."

That's deep man.

Am not

29 % of bloggers are losers. Well it's not me, and I know it's not you, so who are these losers that are giving us a bad name?

No, I am not at work right now. (Okay maybe I am)

Link thanks to All Things Christie (and I'm not mentioning her because she gets a bazillion hits a day)

Peace out losers. I kid, I kid.

Jann Arden's Website

I love Jann Arden. I think she writes great songs, and her thoughts in her journal are very interesting to read.

I submitted something I wrote on my blog to her Fann Gallery and they posted it here (it's called Don't waste the pretty)

Now I am famous.

Shandy

Shandy came to visit me today and the first thing she did was poop on the floor. I consider this good luck, so I'm going to buy some lottery tickets.

She's a yorkie poo and I guess she takes it literally.

Poema dos

Running behind the pack
I don't want to chase
Seems there is but one way

Crush the spirit inside
Afraid to end that way
Search for reason

Changing course

Long haired freaky people

Ever wonder how people describe you when you're not around? I do. Say your friends or family lost you in a large crowd?? How would they describe you to strangers in order to track you down?



I think my description would have something to do with being really,really pale.

Happy Birthday Dad

What the?

I'm sure that Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson don't speak for the majority of United Statesians...at least let's hope they don't because this is some pathetic commentary.

Link thanks to Robin's Random Rambles.

Blog Binders and other miscellany

Thank you Miss Explosive Laughter for finding this fun site. You can get your blog made into a book! I'm going to copy Heather and get one done for myself in August for my Blog Anniversary. How geeky is it to say Blog Anniversary? How geeky is it to capitalize Blog Anniversary!?!

Moving on...went for a most delicious brunch yesterday, it was awesome. Smoked salmon, eggs benedict, mussels, beef, ham, turkey, bacon, sausage, pasta, salads, veggies, desserts...and yes I ate almost every one of those things. I'd like to give a shout out to Tates for taking me!

Watched a bunch of movies: The Woodsman (creepy but good), Million Dollar Baby (I know almost everybody loved this movie, but I thought it was depressing and predictable), The Notebook (sweet, and I bawled like a baby), and finally Jersey Girl (FUNNY, and sweet)

Just my humble opinion, take it for what it's worth. :)

And finally for now, this guy doesn't have Tourettes, but he's crazy which makes him fun to watch. It's a time waster if you are bored on this Easter Monday.
Link thanks to All Things Christie.

Oh yeah, one more thing, on Saturday while shopping for some kind of meat for dinner, we came across an odd sight. A bunch of skinned rabbits. Who eats rabbit on or around Easter??? Crazy bunny eaters that's who.

Mars bars and insanity

I was listening to the radio today and heard that Mars has done a survey about how you eat your candy bar and what it says about your personality. Sure okay, sounds like a laugh. So this woman starts with describing the nibbler, the one who takes little tiny bites...they are apparently very particular people and picky eaters (and I'm sure all girls or gay guys).

Moving on...there are the people that take big bites and finish it rather quickly. These people are go getters. Okay, sure.

Then, there is my favourite group, though I have never seen them, or even heard of them until now, apparently they exist. Are you ready??? They eat a candy bar LIKE THIS:

First they suck off the whole top layer of chocolate (sounds messy!)...then they bite off all of the caramel down the entire length of the bar being careful not to eat any of the nougat centre(that's quite a skill!)...finally after licking off the remaining caramel, they eat the nougat centre by itself.

WTF?

The woman on the radio said this type of person likes to enjoy their flavours separately.

I say these people need to be under medical supervision.

Rosie O' Donnell Post

This is my attempt at poetry that sounds like Rosie's.

Monday is warm
on the skin
of my face

The face of a child
the mind of an old woman
Still

Still is the sound of the world
that I feel in my bones
As I shake like a leaf

Contradictions like those
That were once just memories
Memories of more

And when I think of the time
How it spins and weaves it's way
Through the hourglass

I feel peace
peace of mind and peace of sole (as in the fish)

How did I do? :)

Saturday night

I am going out...with my new bestfriend Janie. Have you ever met somebody and instantly they are your friend? Yep, that's Janie. Let's hope she doesn't turn out to be psycho.

I'll keep you posted.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The President of our company sent out this "funny" email this morning:

"Why did God invent whiskey?
To prevent the Irish from ruling the world!"

Do you think it's funny ha ha or funny peculiar?

Pretty pictures and sexy concoctions

Click here for recipes for drinks that will apparently "get you laid".

Link thanks to the always entertaining Bacon and Eh's.

Blogging Rules

Found this on Heather's (Explosive Laughter) blog:
Not sure what this list leaves as far as what to blog about.

"What are you going to blog about today Robin?"
"Whatever I want to blog about....GAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD."

Things are working better in Bloggerland

Finally! I can post, and comment on your blogs again! I was getting the DT's.

These are the things that have been pent up in me since I lost the ability to chat in cyberspace:

Type your name (or your company, website etc.) in Gizoogle because it's funizzle.

Rosie O'Donnell has a blog here and if you can figure out what she's talking about, let me know. Just kidding (kinda) but it is a little too poetic and cryptic for me. Hi Rosie!

Go visit Robin and ask her to post some pics so we can all get to know her a little better! :)

While you are at it...visit all of the people over there ----------->
because they have a lot of interesting stuff to say.

Also, does anybody know how to do an audio post? I have so much audio to share with my bloggy peeps.

And that John guy from The Apprentice has got to go...he is such an arrogant little twit. On that note, Donald Trump should go too, but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon.

Other than that, the B52's still SUCK and winter better be over SOON.

Peace out.

Blogger is making me crazy

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Levi's song circa 1970 something

My brother and I used to travel around the neighbourhood singing this Levi's jingle to our neighbour's parents. We actually used to get requests!!

I'm going to ask him if he wants to go back to our old hood for a reunion tour. Here are the lyrics as best as I can remember them (I searched for them on Google but couldn't find them...but I'm pretty sure these are right):

Bought a pair of Levi's
They've really been around
I've taken them camping
And I've laid them on the ground

They've come with me to parties
And they've climbed up a tree
Oh they've been to school so often
They're nearly smart as me

And after years and years of wearing
My Levi's in and out
I couldn't help but notice
That the knee wore out

So I sewed on a patch
A flower here and there
And they looked so good again
I could take them anywhere

I'm using them as cutoffs now
And flying in the air
Oh I really think it's time
That I bought another pair

You can live in Levi's!! (YAH!) The YAH at the end is VERY important...it makes the whole song.

Anybody else remember this jingle?? You'd have to be over 30 and from Canada (or the States maybe...don't know)

Duct Cleaners

Phone rings...I don't check the number...

The girl says "Hi this is Ashley and I'm calling on behalf of Duct Masters, we specialize in cleaning home ducts"

I say "I don't have a home"

Ashley says "Okay thank-you, goodbye".

She should have maybe offered to send me some soup or a warm blanket doncha think?

Funny email message from my funny friend

Hey Binsk (that's me), are we in a fight? I didn't think that we were but I have not heard from you and last time I did you were kinda short. Let me know......that way I can catch up on thinking bitchy thoughts about you. It's only fair.
Simone

Short Lives