Here is my own set of rules for 2006. Pay attention.
New Rule: Stop acting like being male makes you a better poker player, commercial real estate agent or chef. It's not true. All it makes you is hairier and more likely to hump stuff.
New Rule: Keep your piece of crap car out of my lane.
New Rule: If you have a really bad hacking cough and fever stay the fuck home.
New Rule: Try not to have your cell phone ringer on full blast...the rest of us don't need to hear your favourite gay song every time your only friend calls you.
New Rule: Just because you are famous doesn't mean you are smart. Stop sharing your words of wisdom with us and just act or smile or whatever it is you do.
New Rule: Don't call it the special of the day on the menu, call it what it really is, the stuff that you are trying to get rid of before it goes bad.
New Rule: Have a point. And get to it. I don't need to hear the complete functioning of your synapses from start to finish. Less is more. Unless it's money or beer.
14 comments:
Three words.
Anger
Management
Counseling
Awwww Jeff you know I'm just playing. Well half playing.
In regards to your last rule - the one about making a point - I have this quote from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. It's Steve Martin's character, and it's one of the most brilliant lines in the movie.
"You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!"
I hope I made my point...
Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!!!!!!!
I think I like your rules better than George Carlin's! (and thanks, Schadeboy, for quoting from one of my favourite scenes in that movie)
very good rules.
Re:
New Rule: Just because you are famous doesn't mean you are smart. Stop sharing your words of wisdom with us and just act or smile or whatever it is you do.
Seriously! I'm always wondering why celebriities share their opinions on world politics... since when does acting like a politician in a movie or on tv make you an expert on politics?
The Mad Dater
"...more likely to hump stuff."
"...unless it's money or beer."
I love you, Binsk.
You crack me the fuck up ... but I will keep at least one eye out for you ... in my rearview mirror.
The Mad Humper
Great new rules!!
Here are some additions in my book:
Reading while driving is like watching the game while having sex... simply not a good idea and you really don't want to get caught.
If you had to speed up to pass me and then cut in front of me and slow down? There will be consequences.
Don't block an intersection or an open lane trying to get to or through a light. You are no more important than anyone else out there. If you were, you'd have sirens and flashing lights telling us so.
love the entry, as always my pretty.
The special day of the menu is great! It's true...I used to be a waitress in college!!
Ohhh girlie! These rules ROCK!
George Carlin doesn't have SHIT on you!
OMG ~ btw ~ I saw that DAMN Always commercial ~ Have a Happy Period.
They showed it in the middle of the nite one nite when I couldn't sleep. I started LAUGHING my ass off at the TV & thought about you.
I guess they're too skeered to show it during the day down here. Women will climb thru the TVs & slap the crap outa someone.
M~
lol, i must add an ammendment to the piece of crap car one - IF it goes the speed I would like to go and IF it doesn't blow exhaust into my vents, it's fine. My favorite drivers are the truck drivers who can't seem to follow the two right lanes law. Basta'ds.
Damn, Binsk! We must be twin sons from different mothers... no, wait..twin daughters.. fraternal twins? Aw shit, now I'm all messed up.
Anyway, I love your list, and wholeheartedly agree!
Peace out babe!
Post a Comment