Instead of shooting people in the back of the head with my pretend hand gun I have come up with a new solution.

I give them a reason for their bad behaviour.

If I hold the door open for some idiot and they don't say thank you, or even smile at me, I say to myself "That guy must have been dropped on his head at birth, poor fellow."

Or if some halfwit cuts me off in traffic, I just breathe and think "Well obviously she has her head up her ass because her husband just left her for a man."

See? Stress be gone.

She was robbed and has no content insurance. Some nice bloggers have set up a website to help her out. Any little bit will help. They even took her bathmats.

To the lady who called me yesterday and left a message on my answering machine telling me that you had the wrong number...you're funny.

Hello? Is this thing on?

What I learned tonight...

Boy Scouts are nerdy and so are their parents.

Never assume you will have time to make it to the beer store.

Yeah that's all I learned tonight.

You’re a steamy kisser! Your hot and heavy kissing style can turn even the meekest of make-outs into a full-contact sport. You keep the object of your affection afire by grabbing and holding on tight—then steaming up the windows.

Yes that's right, I am.

Your sexiest quality is that you don’t care if you have one—or at least whether your date thinks you do. Individual and strong, you attract others by doing your own thing with confidence.

Yeah fuck you date guy I don't care. I think.

You’re Icy Hot. “Enigmatic,” “aloof,” and “intimidating” are words that may sometimes be used to describe you. But that’s only because you keep your fiery, passionate side hidden, and you allow only a select few to...

Yeah that's all I got unless I registered, which is not going to happen. If you would like to take a bunch of tests and get half of the results click here

Happy Father's Day to the best father that ever was or ever will be. I'm serious, I got him...how lucky huh? I must have done something good in a past life.

This is Rick Mercer:

I met him today.

If you don't know who he is, then I am guessing you aren't Canadian. He's one of our non-Americanized celebrities.

He was the keynote speaker today at a conference I went to, and he was funnier than anybody has ever been funny.

I got my picture taken with him, on my camera phone, because I didn't have my regular camera with me which SUCKS...so you'll just have to trust me or come over to my house and look at the pictures in my cell phone.

Half-Nekkid Thursday

It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And a little half-nekkid puppy for good measure...

On the off chance that you three stupid chicks who came into the restaurant I work at tonight read this, (not that I know you, but it could happen) I have some advice for you:

Stop being so fucking high maintenance or somebody is going to kill you in your sleep.

High Maintenance Bitches: "Hi can we sit on the patio?"

Me: "Well it's really cold and windy, and it's closed, but you can if you want."

H.M.B.'s: "Well let's just check it out." (We all go outside)

H.M.B.'s: "Oh yeah you're right it's chilly." (Didn't you nimwits just come from outside through the front door???? Did you think the weather in the back of the restaurant was going to be COMPLETELY different???)

Back inside...I seat them in the dining room.

H.M.B.'s: "Can we sit up there?" (Pointing to the balcony, where I have to trudge up and down with platters of food etc.)

Me: "Sure if you'd like."

Up we go...

The princesses take their seats.

Me: "Would you like something to drink to start with?"

H.M.B. #1: "Yes I would like a glass of water with no ice and a slice of lemon."

H.M.B.'s #2 and #3: "Me too, me too."

Me: "And would you like wine?"

H.M.B.'s: "Yes we will have a bottle of the shiraz."

Me: "Okay."

Up and down two flights of stairs, princess number one tests the wine.

(Cue oooooohing and ahhhhing and mouth swishing. How fucking gay. It's a regular bottle of wine not a $300.00 vintage.)

Now they order.

H.M.B.'s: "Can we have nothing that's on the menu and everything on the side?" (okay they didn't say that, but they might as well have.)

Me: "Sure."

More irritating essy type talking. You know, when those princess type girls say their esses like a hissing snake? UNGH, as Raymi would say.

End of meal...

H.M.B.'s: "Can we all have decaf coffees? Oh and we have this coupon."

Finally it comes time to pay.

They all pay separately and tip me like EIGHT percent.

All I can say is if you are one of these women please STOP IT, you are giving us all a bad name.

Oh, and I am also SO glad I am a straight girl and I don't have to date asshat women like you.

Speaking of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, I can't believe my parents didn't get 4 million for a picture of me when I was born, I mean, I was pretty cute.

Okay I looked a little like a baby chimp. Gawd, why must you be so judgemental???

If I were any more broke I would be living under a bridge. Actually I would be richer if I lived under a bridge because every company and government body in the free world wouldn't be able to send me bills. I need a third job. Any ideas?

It's my name day!!!

Rather than presents and cake, I would like cash and cheeseburgers. Thanks in advance.

Name Day Chart

My dog likes to pee in the neighbour's yard...there is no fence between the two, and he is on a leash, but he still manages to get a couple of paws over there, which is too cute. He's like "Yeah I'm not messing up MY yard...this must be where I should go mon." (He's from the Bahamas so he talks like that.) If I were my neighbour I would sit silently in my house and curse me. But don't worry because my new and AWESOME way of cleaning the lawn is to power spray the dog mess into the ground. It's like magic.

I wouldn't picnic on it or anything though.

You want to know what sucks?

God's little cruel joke on me is that EVERY time I have something to do that's stressful or fun (or anything where there are a bunch of people involved) , I am in the major stages of P.M.S.

And my P.M.S. is the hideous, cry-at-the-drop-of-the-hat, think-everybody's-out-to-get-me, kind of P.M.S.

Birthdays, moving, get-togethers...doesn't matter...they always seem to occur two or three days before I get my period.

Damn lunar cycle or something.

So Charlie/Chachi/Buddy/Trouble has been scratching and scratching, so we went back to the vet (actually a new vet, the one my parents have been going to for years...well not my parents but their 3 dogs and 5 cats). Anyhow, the vet (Dr. H.) says we should do a skin scraping to see what he has, it may be scabies. SCABIES??? Jesus, Mary and Joseph. So Dr. H. says we should sedate Charlie so we can get a really deep scraping, and there will be blood. Oh my. So first he gets the needle. Then the vet says he'll be back in 10. Then Charlie flops over like he's dead and his eyes roll back in his head. I start to freak thinking he's had too much and he's just been put to sleep forever in front of my eyes...but when the vet comes back and starts to shave the scraping area, Charlie moves. YAYYYYYYY!!! So the vet takes the scraping to his microscope (are you still reading this??) and he comes back a few minutes later to ask us if we want to see it under the microscope. Okay. I think. So I carry "dead" dog into the back and Dr. H. shows us the grossest little moving amoeba-like sickness. It's not scabies...it's demodenia or something like that. Apparently we have it in our eyelashes and stuff but in dogs with a lowered immune system it can get way out of control. And 25 years ago it was FATAL. So he gives Charlie another shot (poor baby) and I take him home where he continues to play dead until the morning.

The next day he was perfectly fine and I went to get him some more food at the pet store. The woman asks what kind of puppy I have (because I am buying puppy food) I tell her he's a Potcake. She says "Oh, they eat dog food?" I say "Yes, why would you ask that?" She says "Well I just didn't know they ate dog food". I smile and don't ask her again why she is confused that a dog is eating DOG food. When I get to my car it hits me...she must have thought I said POTBELLY, as in pig.

Went to line dancing lessons with my cousin last night. Way too much fun even though I was spazzy. I am addicted. My cousin Kelly and I were sorta estranged by circumstance, not choice, for many years and just ended up reuniting last Christmas. I ran into her last week again (after another year) and she asked me if I wanted to go line dancing. So as I just said, I did. She didn't tell me there was live feed to the internet until we started...oh yeah. And it only cost $5.00 which is nice because I just managed to scrape together my last $5.00 in change to pay for it. I heart being completely and utterly broke so much. Grrrrrrr...

___________________

I was coming off the highway today...and I saw three cars pulled over to the shoulder like an accident. I saw a guy in the back car, a guy in the front car, and a maybe 25 or 30 year old woman standing in front of the middle car, wearing what looked like a skin tight body suit...oh wait, that's not a nude coloured body suit, SHE'S COMPLETELY NAKED. (I think she might be an aerobics instructor or a runner, you know?) Anyway, the cops weren't there yet but arrived seconds after. They poked her a couple of times...she didn't really move, she just stood there against the car all naked at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. So they each took an arm and led her to the police car...she fell down...they pulled her by the arms trying carefully not to touch anything else and put her in the back. Then the light changed and I drove away...wondering.

You know how you see tons and tons of birds every day? How come you don't see tons and tons of dead birds all the time? I mean where do birds go to die? You see the occasional bird that hit the windshield or got the west nile, but where are all of the other ones?? Yes I'm serious.

I'm doing the all night relay for life on June 2nd...with my buddy Lysa and a bunch of other girls. If you would like to sponsor our team let me know and I'll tell you how. Lysa did the relay last year and said it was a great time. I like great times. Almost as much as I like excellent times.

I feel sleepy today. It's the end of a long weekend sleepy I guess.

Since I got my puppy, and started working at the restaurant, I have lost 15 pounds from all of the exercise (the stairs at the restaurant are crazy...the kitchen is downstairs and the dining room is upstairs, not to mention the patio...and I walk Charlie AT LEAST twice a day)

__________________________________

The series finale of Will and Grace was on tonight...I wasn't working either job so I watched it. And I didn't cry. Nope, that would be totally silly, especially since I'm not even pmsing.

My ex-boyfriend once told me that I reminded him of Karen. Honey, I don't know what he was talking about. He said not only was I like her, but if you squinted at the t.v. it looked a little like me. Silly ex-boyfriend.

And then there's another ex-dude that the finale reminded me of. More on the Will and Grace relationship side...but he isn't gay...and if he is...he is an awesomely good actor.
________________________________


On a completely unrelated subject, if you know you are going to be a contestant on Jeopardy maybe you should do a week or two of the Crest white strips before the taping.

________________________________

I had chinese food tonight with my parents. My fortune said "Romance is about to blossom".

Bring it on.

I'm working at job number two all weekend, so maybe I'll meet him there.

________________________________

You people are boring and I'm fun, so I'm outta here.

No wait, what I mean is I will visit you all soon. I promise. Kisses.

So I get up this morning and take the puppy for a walk, and as soon as we get back in the front door he starts doing this crazy thing with his paws to his face...and he sounds like he's choking...and he just keeps putting his paws up to his face with his mouth open and making these choking sounds. So I am freaking thinking if he's choking I have like 2 minutes max to get it out of his throat...so I stick my fingers down his throat...nothing...I'm feeling around in his mouth, under his tongue...he's still acting like he needs the heimlich maneuver and of course I have absolutely no idea how to give the heimlich maneuver to a dog... so I'm bawling thinking my dog is dying and I don't know what to do...then I find it...a piece of wood, bark or something, is wedged between his teeth on the top of his mouth...you know, like a retainer?

Just because the guy has stopped singing does not mean the song is over. It is so annoying to be listening to a good song only to have the radio station cut off the last third of it because the lyrics are over.

Also, there should be a rule that if you are driving on the highway and something falls off of your car/truck, like a ladder or a shovel, then you should be beaten with the ladder or the shovel (or other object) until you have learned how to properly secure things to your car/truck.

It was my mom's birthday on Saturday and we went out for a really good dinner. I had sea bass and scallops. Afterwards I thought to myself, isn't sea bass the endangered one? I will go Google that now.

I have been trying to blog, and stay in touch with my friends, and eat, but I have been so busy.

I started a second job at a restaurant so I can meet people in my new town, get some exercise and spoil my puppy (see above) so if I'm not at my regular job, or playing with Charlie, then I am at my second job, or passed out.

I am not ignoring you, I am just on spin cycle.

Saw a hitchhiker today...just wondering if anybody still picks them up...

And, no that's it.

Yes, I am this kind of silly now...

Charlie's Dogster Page

Thanks Jim in Tonic for the Dogster info...Charlie is going to link your pups soon.

It's a boy!

I got my puppy...he was rescued from the Bahamas and he's a little under the weather so I have not been able to blog since I got him.

His name is Charlie and he is SO sweet. I will post pictures soon. In the meantime, I heard this older song on the radio today...and I just had to post the lyrics because they are the best. lyrics. ever.

Seriously.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99,

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now...

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Yeah not blogging or watching tv at home sucks. Truly. Even for an hour. It reminds me of a power outage with lights. And who likes a power outage?

___________________________

When you are in an elevator with your loser friend/colleague and he/she gets off on the fourth floor, and you and the REST OF US do not, it makes me want to KEEL you when you HOLD THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPEN to finish your insignifigant conversation.

You suck. Truly.

___________________________

I have found a way to deal with people that annoy me (see above) without constantly starting fights with strangers. I wait until they walk away and then I shoot them in the back of the head with my pretend hand gun. Literally my hand is my gun.

PEEEWR PEEEWR!!!

Speaking of special times, like 'Punch Somebody in the Lip Day', April 24th - 30th is 'TV Turn Off Week'. I didn't know this until today. I am going to do it too, I'm just three days late.

No television until Monday.

Think I can do it?

And I will not compensate with the computer because I think that's probably cheating.

I'll only blog from work.

TV Turn Off Week

'Earth Day', 'Valentine's Day', 'All Saint's Day'...don't you wish there was a 'Punch Somebody in the Lip Day'?

I know I do.

How about 'If You Don't Turn Your Fucking Phone Down I am Going To Break It In Half Day'?

Yeah that would be good.

My hands feel very shaky lately and I'm not sure if it is stress, caffeine, or some sort of progressive shaky syndrome. I was going to Google it but then I thought that would just make it pretty much impossible for me to sleep tonight.

Other than that life is SWEET people. You?

Did you know that it is against the law for teachers to get with students in North Carolina, even if they are BOTH adults?? What kind of stupid law is that?

Had a dream last night that I was driving along a road really fast and then all of the sudden I see HUGE potholes that I have to avoid. Like GRAND CANYON sized potholes. At another point I was stuck in a tree. It was HUGE too.

What do you think about that?

Just finished reading Blink. I liked it.

The end.

My Aura Colour is Magenta...

Magentas are jesters. They are zany, spontaneous, offbeat, outrageous, physical, innovative, in the here-and-now, inventors, attention-seekers. Sometimes they're loners.

The key to understanding the Magenta Personality Spectrum’s color is their unwillingness to conform to the expectations and norms set by society. These individuals seek to express their individuality by using, with creativity and flair, the belongings and raw materials at their disposal. Because they look at life through a Magenta filter, they tend to be viewed as the nonconformists of the spectrum.

The single most difficult thing for a Magenta is to understand the difference between commitment and entrapment. For a Magenta to be locked into a nine-to-five job, to be married and have children, and to run a household, would be a form of insanity. They need to learn to create for themselves a lifestyle that works for them and does not impinge on the sensibilities of others. Magentas revitalize our concept of creativity by offering a new perspective, opening new vistas and exploring new points of departure.


Find out what colour your aura is

As usual I stole this from Leesa. Maybe you should just read her blog from now on.

Famous people I want to hang out with:

Pink (have you heard her new CD "I'm Not Dead"??????? IT'S SO GOOD.)
The entire family on "Little People Big World"
Meatloaf
Johnny Depp (mmmmmmmm...)
That nerdy little curly haired kid in "Bench Warmers"
The Black Eyed Peas
Eminem (mmmmmmmm...)
Chris Noth (mmmmmmmm...)
Howard Stern

Famous people I want to blow up:

Jay Leno
Oprah
Donald Trump

BEST MEME EVER

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up. Stolen from the lovely Leesa and the lovely Osbasso.

My gosh I love me the memes. My gosh? How non geeky of me to say.

Will I get far in life?
More human than human - White Zombie

How do my friends see me?
I would die for you - Jann Arden

Where will I get married?
Don't let me get me - Pink

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Pure Morning - Placebo

What is the story of my life?
Time is on my side - Rolling Stones

What was high school like?
Breakdown - Tantric

How can I get ahead in life?
Superman's dead - Our Lady Peace

What is the best thing about me?
Over You - Sheryl Crow

How is today going to be?
Sublime Medley - Bob Marley/Jack Johnson

What is in store for this weekend?
In Too Deep - Sum 41

What song describes my parents?
Under My Thumb - Rolling Stones

My grandparents?
Beyonce - In the Club (Hmmm, in the heaven club?)

How is my life going?
Purple Rain - Prince

What song will they play at my funeral?
Only God Knows Why - Kid Rock

How does the world see me?
Zombie - Cranberries

Will I have a happy life?
Come Again - Thornley

What do my friends really think of me?
She's a Rebel - Green Day

Do people secretly lust after me?
Redemption song - Bob Marley

How can I make myself happy?
Change - Deftones

What should I do with my life?
Where have all the good people gone? - Sam Roberts

Will I ever have children?
The Way - Fastball

What is some good advice?
Walking on the sun - Smashmouth

What is my signature dancing song?
Load me up - Matthew Good

What do I think my current theme song is?
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffet

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
99 Red Balloons - Nena

What type of men/women do you like?
3 dressed up as a 9 - Trooper

Hey I've got an idea. How about you act like a total freak, and expect people to say how high when you say jump? Yeah and how about you think that you are the only person in the world? Perfect. Now a little to the left.

I love everyone. People are so great. I think the greatest thing about them is that they are so selfless. They never play little mind games and ask stupid leading questions just to see where you are coming from. Yeah I like that.

And I like how people that are polite, and thoughtful, and empathetic are never taken advantage of or used for their kindness and consideration. Yeah that’s really cool.

It just makes a person want to give and give and give of themselves because they feel so appreciated and cared for.

The reason I came back...

I just wanted to drop you an email to say that I'm sad that you're not posting, but I understand. If you start up again, or start a new site, let me know so I have some place to type Canadian...it's my favourite. If you need someone to vent to that is out of your normal loop...drop me an email.

__________

I've gotten too used to seeing your hot HNT pics and enjoying your excellent posts...and then...gone. Is everything alright? Are you moving? Sick? In a witness protection program? On vacation? Being stalked?


I miss you and hope that all is well...
__________

Of course I need you baby.

__________


Hey girl,

I just found the post...man that was shitty. Then added on top of that, the guy who harassed and posted all of those HNT people. Uggh...makes me sad that people can be so mean.

I sure hope you didn't let them bother you. You have a lot of loyal readers and your blog is unique and creative.

Take care girl.

Oh and I think your background is COOL.

__________


Binsk,

Are you ok? I'm just wondering. I am a little worried about you since you say your gonna be away for an "indefinite" period of time.

__________

I saw your blog post, and I just wanted to drop a quick note to say that I hope you're doing okay and that your absence isn't in any way related to the 'funk' you referred to during our last e-mail exchange. If you are feeling down, I hope you quickly recover. Please know that if there's anything at all that I can do to help - even just listening - that I will gladly do it. You're far too wonderful and special to go through any prolonged period of pain and it bothers me a great deal to imagine you doing so.

_________

Just wanted to say you didn't make it easy to find your e-mail, taking your profile off the blog like that! And no comments either, tsk-tsk. Anyhow, I will genuinely miss your light-hearted postings and your nutty comments. Hope you're doing well and I'll keep a faint hope that you'll one day return.

__________

What a bunch of bitches. They used to actually critique and give you some feedback...now it's all about making a bunch of ugly bitches feel better about themselves. I've seen a few of their real blogs and I don't know what makes them the authorities. I think it's fine if you want to post pics of yourself. You obviously have a ton of readers so fuck them! I just thought I'd tell ya not to worry about it! You go girl!

__________

Just to let you know I'm here if you want to talk...Would mail art cheer you up?

__________


Don't let those bitches get to you binsky. i loved your blog...hope everything is okay. i'll miss you while you're gone.

__________

What's up? You seem to have been a little down over the past couple of posts/weeks, and now you're taking a break. Again, I ask-- what's up? I do hope that things are OK, or at least relatively OK. I offer, in that internetly anonymous way, an ear if you need to unload on a total stranger... Let me know if there's anything I can do, OK? We'll miss you, but we'll keep a light burning for you!

___________

You up and disappeared. Just makin sure you're ok. You're my favorite Toronto.....an? ite? whatever, you're the bestest. (Taranan?)

Robin took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and a..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I will be away from this place for an indefinite period of time.

If you need me...email me.

You should try this, it's fun!

Here are my results:

Your answers indicate that you may currently be experiencing:

depression
panic disorder
general anxiety disorder

That's not so bad is it? Wasn't Picasso a loon too?

Check up from the neck up

Today at work there was a bomb threat. A BOMB THREAT.

This guy comes in our office and says "you need to leave the building there has been a bomb threat." I start to feel a little woozy and ask him if we should take the stairs. He says yes. Then he asks if I'm okay because I guess I looked a little pale. I say "yeah, you just don't think you are going to hear those words for real."

So I fly down the stairs and out of the building.

I had to sit in my car for a few minutes before I drove away because I was crying and shaking too much to drive.

Totally bizarre.

Apparently it was a prank. I'd say it doesn't get prankier than that.

Ba-ba-loo-ee

Ba.