There is swearing in this so don't open it at work, unless you work somewhere that they are into that.

Half-Nekkid Thursday - 2005 finale

Tonight Osbasso has asked us to pick our favourite HNT as our goodbye to 2005.

I picked two. Is that selfish?

Happy New Year my pretties...

I'd like to first thank the academy, it's an honour just to be nominated.
How evil are you?

So my dad tells us at Christmas that he went to the doctor for one of those regular check-up things and the doctor says "Oh you've got dry skin on your face. I have a great cream that you could use to clear that up." (Maybe if you were two inches from my dad's face you could tell that he had some dry skin, but to look at him from a normal distance you wouldn't notice it at all.) Anyway, his doctor prescribed FOUR tubes of it. My dad goes to the pharmacy and hands them the prescription and says I think two should be fine for now. AFTER the prescription is filled they give him the sheet with the side effects:

The most common side effect at the site of application is burning or a feeling of warmth. The burning feeling is usually mild or moderate, occurring in the first 5 days of treatment, and the burning usually clears up in a few days. See your doctor if an application site reaction is severe or persists for more than 1 week. Other common side effects include headache, nasopharyngitis (common cold/stuffy nose), influenza, pharyngitis (sore throat), fever, viral infection, and cough. Some people may get herpes skin infections (like cold sores, chicken pox, or shingles), warts, or swollen lymph nodes (glands). This medication also has a statistically signifigant increase in the risk of lymphoma and follicular cell adenoma.

A statistically signifigant increase in the risk of lymphoma????

I said pardon????

After this little tidbit of information my dad goes back to the pharmacist and says that he wants NOTHING to do with this cream (he has not opened either of the packages by the way). The pharmacist says that there are no returns on medications.

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I know you've all been naughty so don't even try and pretend otherwise. Santa and I see all. Okay maybe it's just Santa that sees that stuff, but I sense the naughtiness.

Have a Merry Christmas. I will be back...but you won't know when...so stay on your toes.

Oh and a few more things...Christmas is funny. You hang around with your family and you realize that some things are just genetic, therefore not your fault. Take my love of the band Tatu..."Not Gonna Get Us"...my brother LOVES that song too, and he's not even gay (not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Also, last year I posted this and the last paragraph really could keep you out of all sorts of trouble.

Half-Nekkid Thursday

Today is a special installment of HNT. Our mission was to pick 3 HNTers and tell everybody what we would get them for Christmas.

Here you go:

I would buy Kalani a Paul doll 'cause he's all hot and she's all cool (and hot), and she has mentioned she likes kiwi.

I would buy Tess another one of these outfits...for obvious reasons.

and...

I would buy Ajax Paul a bus ticket to my town. Greyhound even, nothing's too good for Ajax Paul. (Have you seen his body??)

Click the red button in my sidebar if you are the only person on the internet who hasn't heard of HNT.

Merry Christmas

Click here

Can you guess what my FAVOURITE quote is from this??

You know how everybody loves to Google? Well, I am thinking that if I put down some long lost friend's names and they Google themselves they'll find me. Fun huh?

Okay so here we go:

Damian McGovern - What the hell happened to you? The last time I saw you, you were wearing a hospital bracelet and holding a six pack of Canadian(that's beer for my Mexican and European friends).

Kim Howland - You are probably married now because you were so pretty and nice. Not that all pretty, nice people are married, no way.

Michael Stanley - You were such a great boyfriend, and I was SO high maintenance. I'm sorry, I was only 21, I'm much nicer now. Really.

Johnny Depp - Okay we've never met, but I feel like we should have, and if you've Googled yourself and found my little blog then there is a god. Hi. Do you like stuff?

Santa - What's up? One lousy winning lottery ticket is all I ask for every year, why you gotta be hating dude?

A Christmas Story

Idiot: How many gift bags you have?
Us: Eight
Idiot: Ten?
Us: No, eight.

Idiot gives a look like she doesn't believe us and motions for us to hand her the bags which she counts and says nothing.

Me: Eight right?
Idiot: Yes eight.

Why in hell's name didn't you just count the bags yourself in the first place instead of playing that little time wasting, call your customers liars game? FAAAAAAAAHK.

Half Nekkid Thursday

Okay I went to see King Kong tonight and didn't take any pictures so Damien's awesome caricature above is my HNT for today. I look EXACTLY like that in a bikini. Yep. I'm not lying.

If you want some real nudity you can go see Ty (I'm talking REALLY nude so don't click this if you are at work or something)

Happy HNT.

I am a very spoiled blogger. First Paul from Ajax made me a video...and now my buddy Damien has done a caricature of me. Actually he made two of them (the other one is wearing a bikini) so I'm going to add it to my HNT tomorrow. Thank you so much Damien. You are so talented, and you made me look all hot and stuff.

Also, my mother and I went shopping today and filled a huge hamper with adorable little clothes and toys for Christmas for a two and a half year old girl who is in need. Nothing is more fulfilling. I feel stupid for not liking Christmas much until now.

Ahhh the looks you get when you are at a bar and you take a picture of a glass rack.

Medium is on now...so good...you should watch it.

Gay internet quiz number 6,490 stolen from Tommy Gunn and Tish.

Can anybody tell me the end of the limerick "There once was a girl from Nantucket"? I swear I've only ever heard the first line. Maybe it only has one line. Really I'm serious, I need to know.

Does anyone know if those Lindor chocolates have crack cocaine in them? There's gotta be something. I don't even eat a lot of chocolate (I prefer cheeseburgers) but if you put a bowl of those things in front of me I would eat them until I exploded.

Ty the eagle has landed.

And one more thing. Do you ever think about parallel blogging circles? Where there's another you, and another me, and another one of all of our favourite bloggers?

I bet we're better.

I want to take a streetcar downtown
Read Henry Miller and wander around
And drink some Guinness from a tin
'Cause my U.I. cheque has just come in
Ah, where you been... because

Everything is coming up rosy and grey
Ah, the wind is cold but the smell of snow warms me today
And your smile is fine and it's just like mine and it won't go away, 'cause
Everything is rosy and grey

You've been under my skin for more than eight years
It's been eight years of laughter and eight years of tears
And I don't know what the future can hold, or will do, for me and you
But I'm a much better man for having known you
Yeah, you know that's true

Well, I've been told that there's a sucker born every day
Well, I wonder who, yeah, I wonder who
Maybe the one who doesn't realize there's a thousand shades of grey
'Cause I know that's true, yes I do, I know that's true
How about you?

Well, they're picking up trash and they're putting down roads
And they're brokering stocks, the class-struggle explodes
And I'll play this guitar just the best that I can
Well, maybe I'm not and maybe I am
Who gives a damn?

Well, I've kissed you in France and I've kissed you in Spain
And I've kissed you in places I'd better not name
And I've seen the sun go down on Sacre Coeur
But I like it much better going down on you
Ah, you know that's true

The Lowest of the Low

Half Nekkid Thursday

It's not the soft pretzel but it's close. Click the red button in the sidebar if you would like to play.

I've been infected by Greek Chickie.

Here are the directions: Write 5 random facts about yourself, and then list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect.

1...I am claustrophobic

2...If I spill salt I throw it over my left shoulder

3...I once got my foot caught in the spikes of a bicycle wheel and it had to be cut out

4...I once saw a UFO - and I'm talking spaceship, not "it could have been a plane"

5...I won't get my hair cut at a place where they charge women more than men

I'm not going to infect anybody, but feel free to infect yourself.

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

I hate using hand cream because no matter what kind I use my hands end up all greasy and slippery like I've just rubbed them in butter.

Why do people who are going EXACTLY the same speed on the highway drive BESIDE eachother?

I don’t know where I’m going
But, I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

Though I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
And I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time

I’m just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love’s sweet charity
And I’m gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

And here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
And I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time


I wrote that. Okay no I didn't, Whitesnake did. But I could have.

Dear former owners of my house,
What the hell did you put the wallpaper border on with in the bathroom? Krazy Glue? Do you know how long it has taken to remove? I think it would have been faster to take the walls out.

Also who picked that pattern? Your great Grandmother? I mean, who under the age of 90 puts up a dark green border with pink roses and blue ribbons?

I guess you thought that lovely dusty rose colour was the perfect backdrop. Gah.


Dear Retailer,
Please stop selling Krazy Glue to morons.