Went out to a restaurant by myself (I do that a lot)

There was an old man eating lunch with a younger lady.

He said to her "How old am I?"

She said "You are ninety three"

He couldn't hear her so she kept getting louder

"NINETY THREE, NINETY THREE..."

He still didn't understand so she pulled out a pen, wrote it down and passed it to him.

He said "I'm ninety three???"

"Yes dad, that's how old you are."

When I finished eating I went to get my dad a card for Father's Day. I started reading the cards and then I started BAWLING(I do that a lot too) so I left Shopper's regained my composure and went to Hallmark. I got him a cute little card with a cat on it, maybe it's a little girly for a dad.

It's just like a bikini, but it's a hand...and no I don't know whose hand it is, but that ring and that camera look familiar.

Virtual Tea Leaf Reading

Click here to have your tea leaves read.

Link thanks to Want Peace.

Touch of Grey

God that's a good song.
God Bacon on the run (Lisa) is a cool chick.
God I'm glad the humidity has dropped.
God I wish I believed a little more in you.
God I hope you don't take that personally.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm...

Maybe it's just me, but I think Tom Cruise is a freak.
I know, I should get out more often, yes.
But I was flipping channels tonight and I saw Tom Cruise being a big freak, pretending that he is dating Katie Holmes (I think that's her name) anyway... in my opinion they are SO not dating, and anybody that's been in a relationship, or taken a psychology course, can see that right?

*** www.freekatie.net *** Thanks Funky Bug for telling me about this site.

The Surreal Life

Season 4 of the Surreal Life is over.
And that makes me really sad.

And that makes me really sad.

Marcus Schenkenberg is the sweetest of all sweetness and so hot.
Peter Brady is also delicious.

The end.

Goofy Mirror Faces

*photo removed because it was scaring me this morning*

This is my goofy mirror face.

I know you have one too.

What?

You don't know what I'm talking about?

Yes you do...it's that face you make in the mirror when you are finished getting ready to go out and you think you look fine....or the face you make when you are trying on new clothes at the mall.

Anyway, if you wanna play in my goofy little mirror face sandbox send me a picture.

I promise I won't sell it to the Ford modelling agency or anything.

I am hypnotized click here to see why

Oh and check out my pictures down below and let me know if you like them.

When I grow up I wanna be a photographer or a caterpillar.

Link stolen from my buddy and fellow whore MCG.

Beautiful Limehouse

Went to see my parents tonight. How gorgeous are my mom's flowers and stuff?
Froggy guy is apparently pretty rare...and totally cool doncha think?

Yes nature heals. I need a yard.

'Baby on Board' stickers say to me "please plow into the back of my car because I am a tool."

Dear Bloggy peeps,

I need to find a job where I don't have to talk to morons...and since the moronic percentile seems to be so high in the general population (not you guys of course) I think I need to work alone, away from the eejets, with no phone calls. Emails would be acceptable though. Does anybody know how I can make a living doing this? I mean, I like to pick who I talk to, not be forced to communicate with primates. And I pick all of you (because you are so obviously not the moronic majority) to help me with my little problem.

Also, why do most of the people that drive on the 403 drive like their heads are up their asses? I see their heads, but I'm thinking maybe they have two...the real one which is up their ass and a fake one on top of their fat neck.

Wild eyed woman we'll call Wilma

W.E.W.W.C.W.: "Excuse ma'am dah glo fao dddddaaaa gloe ttada blah?"

Me: "What?" (I normally say pardon me...but I was a little shocked)

W.E.W.W.C.W.: "Dat glon raat ploe taada voer blah?"

Me: "No."

She seemed to be okay with that answer and I walked away.
I wonder what I said no to?

Gah

30 degrees (90ish fahrenheit) is not, I repeat not, a beautiful day. Stop telling me it is. It's only beautiful if you are sitting in an ocean drinking frozen cocktails or you're a camel.

Hey Pizza Pizza, the "must be legal eating age" joke you use at the end of your new ads is not funny. Shut up.

Apparently we are having a heat wave. And apparently this summer 1000 people in our city will die from heat related problems. I'm betting it'll be all nice people and the assholes will still be hanging on strong in the fall.

Tomorrow is my name day

See?
That doesn't leave very much shopping time now does it? So go!!


I would like to also wish Ms. Funky Bug, Ms. Random Rambles and Mr. Poop, a good name day tomorrow too.

My brakes aren't working

Cars in dreams almost always are symbols of ourselves, and the direction we are headed in our lives. If you dream that your brakes don’t work, it usually means there is an area of your life that you feel is “out of control.”
If you can remember more details about your dream, it will help you to identify the area you are having trouble with. For example, if the car is a car that you drive every day, then the dream suggests you are experiencing difficulty in your personal life. You may be having difficulty controlling some of your personal habits - drugs, alcohol, relationships - and feel that you “can’t stop.” If the car was an old “family car” that you remember from growing up, this suggests that you feel out of control with some of your family relations. If the car belongs to a friend or friends of yours - the dream may indicate that you feel uncertain or unsure of yourself when you are around these people. If someone else is a passenger in the car with you, then you may feel that this person is leading you down a bad path - and you feel you can’t stop.
“No Brakes!” is one of the most important of all “warning” dreams. Once you figure out what this dream is about, make a conscious effort to get better control of your emotions - in whatever specific situation is indicated. If you don’t - your emotions will continue to control you - like a car without brakes!

Now I'm off to Google a dog wrapped in plastic bags and rubberbands.
That can't be good either.

What's so civil about war anyway?

Cutting in front of someone in traffic and then giving them "the wave" is like smacking someone in the face and saying "thank-you."


Salty index: high.

Cool bloggy peeps

Go compliment the complimenting commenter.
Also, go check out Lisa's husband's package.

My D.N.A. Revealed

Hair
Straight – 80 %
Wavy – 20 %
Texture – 80 % fine, 20 % not so fine

Brown – 90 %
Red – 8 %
Blonde – 2 %

Skin colour
Pigment – 10 % opaque, 90 % see through
Freckles – 5 %

Build
Boobs – 100 % big
Nipples – 100 % pink
Shoulders – 50 % girly, 50 % linebacker
Height – 5’6 and ¾
Tongue rolling – 100 %
Feet – 100% model material

Disposition
Sunny - 75%
Learn how to drive your car - 20%
Stop being so fucking stupid - 5%

Personality
Sweet – 90 %
Salty – 10 %

Cool – 75 %
Dorky – 25 %

Gullible – 50 %
Paranoid – 30 %, After ingesting cannabis - 125 %

Note:
This is just a segment of the very expensive test I had done...I may post more later. However, I can't publish my entire D.N.A. results because I don't want anybody trying to clone me. Nobody needs that.

Hell's Kitchen

Have you seen this ridiculous show?

I saw a few minutes of it before I had to change the channel. What kind of person finds this entertaining? This idiot chef is belittling everybody in his path and they are not only taking it, but being completely respectful back to him.

I worked in restaurants for a long time and I really, really don't understand why chefs think they are up there with brain surgeons and rocket scientists. You fucking cook things, get over yourselves.

Specialness

I know that's not a word.

Anyway...I don't have it. I don't think I have anything that makes people say "Robin's really good at that, let's ask her." I can, however, think of something (or several things) that most of the people I know do so well that I would ask them to help me with it, or their opinion of it. It's part of their identity you know? Do you know what your specialness is?

Birthday Party

Going to a birthday party tonight. Happy birthday Lisa.

Missed Christie's birthday/going away party last night! I'm sorry Christie, I meant to come...but it didn't work out.

Have a great Saturday night all.

Whistling

You wanna know why there aren't whistling concerts? Best selling artists on the whistling chart? Whistling teachers? Contests to find the best whistler in the country?

Because nobody wants to hear whistling. It's annoying.

Jughead with Archie

So I'm going pee. And I see the magazines on the back of my toliet that are there for people that poo (I don't, but I leave them there for visitors that do) and I find a Jughead with Archie Digest.

Archie and Jughead are driving in a shiny red Mustang convertible, with beautiful fall leaves falling everywhere. Jughead says to Archie in the little bubble coming from his mouth "Face it Archie! Summer's over!" And the little bubble over Archie's head says "Bite my ass!"

Archie's bubble has obviously been tampered with...I can see the liquid paper and the ball point pen.

I would like to know:

A) How an Archie comic book ended up in my bathroom???

and

B) Who would take such an innocent comic and make it so nasty???

Fess up!!!

Is that how you spell fess?

Anyway...you know who you are.

Funny things said on the weekend:

"That's it you quit???"
"Tell me about it, I only got ten strokes out of this one"
___________________________

"Where do you think I got that from?"
"The side of the road, or a chick you had sex with"
(I was right b.t.w.)
___________________________

"How much do you want for these?"
(holding up 4 styrofoam cups)
"How much do you want to pay?"
"Fifty cents"
"Okay, give me twenty-five cents"
(What a deal for our beer hiding cups for the TOTAL ALCOHOL BAN)
____________________________

"Damn, I burnt it"
"Oh?"
"Yeah but it's okay you just pull off the top three quarters and eat the succulent middle part"
____________________________

"Do you do that a lot?"
"No today just felt like a hand biting day"
____________________________

As promised, more pictures of my feet!
With all this excitement how can you sleep at night?

Happy Birthday Mitchie...

I tried...I really did.

I planned on sending you some lovely flowers today for your birthday just like the ones you sent me for mine, but it just didn't work out.

I get up this morning to find my internet is not working, so I shut down the computer and try again. Nope. I leave it for a while and come back. Still down. So after another hour or so of waiting and checking I call Bell, and they inform me that I have been cut off for non payment. I say that's not possible it's supposed to come off of my credit card every month. They say that my credit card has expired. Well yeah, but they sent me a new one with the same number. They say but the new expiry date is what we need. Okay, so I give them the new expiry date and they put my internet back on. Phew.

Then I order the flowers. Some time later I receive a call from an FTD woman in the States telling me that 2 p.m. is the cut off for today's delivery...it's 2:03 p.m. and I ordered the flowers waaaaaaay before 2. So I say okay well it's her birthday today so if you could cancel my order I will find someone who can deliver them today. She says okay I will refund your credit card now. Cool. So I phone Canada Flowers and a lovely lady named Audrey answers and says she will check to see if she can squeeze in my order for today's delivery....holding...holding...Audrey's back and yes, she can deliver the flowers today!! Yayyyy...I just have to go online and fill out the same information all over again and she will put it through. I place the order. 1o minutes later the phone rings again, it's Audrey. My credit card won't go through, and of course time is ticking for the flowers to be sent today. She verifies my credit card number and expiry date. Yep that's what she has but it's been declined twice. Well that's not possible I say, because there should be plenty of room on my credit card. But what can Audrey do?? She tried. So I thank her very much for trying and hang up.

Twenty minutes later my credit card company calls to verify some activity on my account. Ohhhhhhhhh...so they wouldn't let my second payment go through because they thought it was suspicious, not because I didn't have any room on my card. Great, thanks. And according to them the first flower place has still not refunded my money. So maybe you will end up with flowers in the end...but not on your birthday. Sorry Mitchie! I hope you have a good birthday anyway.
I'll make it up to you when we get together to celebrate in June.

Lesson for today: Don't leave things to the last minute, especially when there are other people and computers involved.

Muskoka bound

Going up north tomorrow for the long weekend, to a cottage that I have never been to before. Should be fun...but I've said that before.

I'll keep you posted and maybe I'll take some more stupid pictures of my feet. I bet you can't wait.

My prediction

Bo Bice will win American Idol and long hair will come back in style for guys.

Me in the lobby looking oh so sour. I'm not really angry. I'm just taking pictures of myself and trying not to do one of my goofy, double chin smiles...instead I look like a killer.
It's awesome to sit in a beach chair on the Gulf of Mexico drinking pina coladas, listening to the sound of the ocean and relaxing, but after a while you can get a little bored and start taking pictures of your feet.
Check out the pink and green in the sky. How effing awesome is that??? I have never seen a sky like this in my life. Maybe I should get out more.
Somehow this bunny snuck into our room one afternoon while we were at the beach. Cute little guy isn't he? Sneaky, but cute.
And back to a chair, this time it's a pool chair. And I am wearing my pretty sarong because I am oh so tropical.

To answer some of your questions...it was beautiful and so hot (especially for my lily white skin). The staff at the resort were a lot of fun and very entertaining. I went with a friend of mine, not a guy, so there was no sexy playtime involved...and I'm not really a vacation fling type girl so there was no sexy playtime with strangers either. Sorry I'm so boring, next time I'll make something up or be a little sluttier.

Also, why in hell's name do planes creak?? If my car sounded like the plane I was in on the way back I would take it into the shop...and I don't go 300 miles per hour in my car...often.

Hola

Random thoughts about my trip to the Riviera Maya...

I am translucent.
I am tall.
I am overfed.
I am spoiled (however, there are others that are much, much more so.)
I need to visit the ocean more often.
Bikinis are the only kind of bathing suit I will ever wear again.
I need to go to the gym.
I need to go to the gym.

I will post pictures when I get home tonight! Peace out B.P.'s

Have a nice week...

Table for two of my personalities

So my dad and I go out for lunch today to an awesome little seafood restaurant in the hood. Half way through our lunch a woman with a very short haircut comes in and sits alone. Which is fine...until she starts having a conversation. But she is not holding a phone to her ear (the one we can't see). Now I've been known to talk to myself but not with pauses and nodding like there is 'somebody' responding. So my dad says "I hope that woman is on the phone" and I say "Yeah, I guess she has one of those earpiece things in her left ear, but it looks really weird from here, like she is having a conversation with the voices in her head" Anyway, we finish our lunch and walk out past the lady (and her left ear) and to our surprise and horror (not really horror but it makes the story better) there was no earpiece, no phone, just her left ear...maybe I should set her up with the guy I ran into in the elevator yesterday (see below).

And no, I am not making any of this up.

Living well with psychosis

If your doctor gives you a little booklet to take home with the above title you should probably fold it in half or roll it up and put it in your pocket while you are waiting for the elevator because otherwise you are just freaking the rest of us out.

Gwen Stefani is very hot and smart and cool.
Gwen Stefani is older than me.
Gwen Stefani has a very delicious husband.

Shania Twain is very hot and Canadian and strong.
Shania Twain is older than me.
Shania's husband is very rich.

Martha Stewart is talented and strong and is wearing an ankle bracelet.
Martha Stewart is older than me.
Martha Stewart could buy and sell your ass.

These are my mentors.

How gay is your blog/website?

Would you like to know where you fit in? Check it out here

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Link thanks to Bacon and Ehs.

Wow! I feel so honoured, like thanks.

Memphis Steve did my horoscope for me on his blog. I didn't know I was going to get my own post I thought he would just email me something.

Funny stuff