So the magazine with my photographs came out yesterday.

Yeah, you would think that's great and shit.

Well except that I forgot the golden rule:

If you don't do it yourself then it is going to be fucked up beyond recognition.

Or as my mother so sensitively put it when I told her I was upset, "If it isn't exactly how Robin wants it then it is a big problem." Yeah, I LOVE when my mother speaks to me, about me, in the third person. It warms the cockles of my heart, and the sub-cockles as my boyfriend Denis Leary would say.

Anyway, I send these motards (a.k.a. the editors/publishers) my pictures, with descriptions of each one. Easy right? Well yeah you would think. However, rather than publishing my descriptions they used the NAME OF THE JPEGS. Yeah. You know how you name your pictures silly things just so you can remember them? Like the picture of the frog they published said FROGGY beside it like my five year old (if I had a five year old) named it. And I'm sure the COOL 3 title of the fence said to the readers 'She's simple and special, in the hockey helmet, short school bus sorta way - but she seems to have an eye for photography. She's like an idiot savant. Nice!'

Oh and then I guess they thought they would take a little creative licence and name one of my close up pictures ABSTRACT. Yeah close up, abstract, whatever.

22,000 issues distributed in the new town I live in.

I'm moving.

Two FIRSTS and a third in the fall fair photography competition in the town next to mine.

I'm on a roll.

Oh yeah that's how punny I am.

Do you know what happens when you drop a bottle of grenadine on a tile floor?

Let me tell you.

It looks like a murder scene.

A murder scene in the wait station at your new job.

Aces.

Some little fucking shit just 5 seconds ago picked up a rock and threw it at my dog while he was wagging his tail and being all friendly on his leash in the backyard.

She didn't see me, I guess she was too stupid to look in the back door where I was sitting. I said "EXCUSE ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Nothing. I said "Do you want me to tell your mother you are throwing rocks at my dog?????" and another little SHIT said "Do you even know her mother?" I said "I'll find her." and the little hooligans walked away. I'm gonna find her and ask if she knows she is raising a little bitch. She couldn't have been more than 12.

What the hell is wrong with this world that a young girl would throw a rock at a puppy wagging his tail?

Okay I'm off to work now. Hopefully nobody throws anything at me while I'm there.

Just got home from shift number two at my new waitressing gig. I waited my own tables with my own number and these little waitress chicks took more than half of my tips, cause you know it's only fair. Fair my ass.

I put a bug in the owner's ear that I wanted to start on the bar asap. Eff this waiting tables crap. The real money is one beer, one dollar. 10 seconds for a dollar is a good return on my time.

I auditioned for the choir the other night. There were six of us. At the end the dude says "Okay thank you all we have your numbers, we will call you." My cousins said that when they auditioned the guy said "Okay see you all Monday." So you would think....hmmmm...obviously somebody didn't make it and he didn't want to make them feel bad in front of everybody else. So of course I think it's me. And I tell my parents I don't think I made it. They are like, oh well that's okay. Then I get the call that I DID make it in. So I tell my mom and she says I am too negative for thinking I didn't make it. GAH.

Now I just have to come up with $3000.00 by Halloween so I can go to Ireland with the choir.

That's 3000 beers by Halloween. Not gonna happen. Oh wait is that negative?

I won two second place pretty blue ribbons in the photography competition at the fall fair yesterday.

And I got a second job, because as you may or may not recall I had to quit my last second job because of a jerk.

Job interviews for jobs that aren't your career are so funny because you are much more relaxed and honest. At least I am.


"Robin why do you want this job?"
"Because I need money."



"Oh you worked at La Blah Blah a few months ago, why aren't you there anymore?"
"Because I didn't get along with someone there."
"Oh, a personality clash?"
"Yes."
"Yeah that happens."



"What's your availability?"
"Well I can work any time because my other job is straight commission so I make my own hours. Except I don't want to work in the mornings because it's the same amount of work but less money. Also I would like to work on the bar for as many shifts as you have."
"Okay, can you start Tuesday?"

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.  You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out. You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable. You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go. Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.  Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

Pretty much.

Lameness part two...

Today I am wearing mom jeans...you know the kind that come up past your navel?
I bought them at Costco, they were cheap, and since you don't try things on at Costco you just get it home and go oh great, mom jeans. So they sat in my closet (I'm lying, they sat on the little couch in my room where half of my clothes are) and today I had nothing to wear so I put them on.

Then I decided I needed to go out, so I threw on my jean jacket and went out the door. Now I am in a store in a full denim outfit.

Hotness personified.

The Wit

CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Ricky Gervais

Lame things I did yesterday:

1. Went to choir. And it was SO much fun.

2. Got kicked out of the Big Brother chatroom for not listening to the moderators. Apparently you can type out penis without getting blocked but you can't type out vagina because it's a bad word.

Why would I be typing out penis and vagina in a Big Brother chatroom? I have no idea. Maybe it had something to do with bros before hos, and chicks before dicks.

I think that is enough lameness to be sharing for one sitting.

I want to steal everyone's lawnmowers because obviously people cannot be trusted to use them during non-annoying periods. Who fucking cuts their lawn at 6:30 a.m. on a holiday Monday?

Why do all of the morons in the world live within 5 minutes of me?

I liked your profile and the simplicity of your style...little said much asked for....and yet this lovely, lovely woman, brings so much...

Perhaps it is up to me to tell you of me...and perhaps to tell you of what you are looking....

well I am a dominant master with much experinece in the life....I imagine hearing that as an opening is rather...unusual, but is the baseline...not all that I am...but some....I am a gentleman, who is interesting, introspective, warm. loves theatre, art, music, fine dining, wines, a good cigar, film, sports, politics, history, science...and am looking for the yang to my yin, for someone bright warm, and a lady, who would comfortable on my arm at the theatre, art gallery and as my submissive...who craves to find someone to hand herself to...but who is not one to do it blindly or quickly...a woman who understands the art of sensuality and looks for an artist to share it....I am looking for a woman with the soul of a poet and the heart of a lion...and someone who can laugh...

This is alot to require...but it is what I wish for....so...the question is...."is it you?"

V

Two words. FUCK NO.

A letter to the owner of a bar I used to frequent. I used to drink gallons of white russians there.

Yo Doug,

It's me Robin!

You remember, your regular that moved away??
How are you? How are things?
I just got your Labour Day Weekend email (powered by What's Up)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi...I'll try and stop by some time...

Robin

P.S. I bet you aren't going through as much milk since I moved away.



Hello Robin,

Nice to hear from you, where in God’s green acre did you get to and was the move so far away that we will only get to see you at home comings and Christmas? I’m great and business is booming, the area just keeps getting better and better. I am in the middle of trying to open another restaurant in the area, I am going to open an upscale Italian restaurant that I’ve named CUCCI you know the type white table cloth, dark woods with candle light and a baby grand piano. It's great to hear that the email letters are working and thanks for dropping me a line, as for the milk consumption, I received a “hope all is still well” card from the Ontario dairy board.

Again it was great to hear from you Robin,

Doug